Sunday, 28 February 2016

Aastha's AA1 corrections

Name: Aastha Singh (01)
Class: S1-03
Date: 3 Feb 2016
Title: Helping to save the future

John was a scientist. It was not surprising, though. He used to be the brainiest kid in class. He was the top scorer for science in his entire cohort in school. He had decided that he would be a scientist when he grows up since then. He thought it was all about discovering new things. How wrong he was to think like that. Words to be used in a scientist’s life would have been researching, proof, evidence, explanation, conclusion, logic, and the list goes on. Lately, John had started regretting about being a scientist. He had not been able to do anything his career expected him to do. It had been a year since he started on his career in 1976. He had worked on quite a few projects that year, but all had been unsuccessful. This time, he was quite determined to be successful.
      John decided he had to prove that he was capable of something. At his workplace in the laboratory where he worked, he sat in his chair, and started thinking on which topic to work on. He decided to work on the issue of the world and its state. The depletion of the ozone layer was a bothering matter. He knew that it was caused by the increased release of chlorofluorocarbons and other harmful gases. John knew he could not do anything about that. Another bothering matter was the excessive use of plastics since it had recently been created, and everyone was quite excited about them. Plastics were man-made, and they gave off harmful gases when burnt. There seemed like something he was able to do about this matter. “Yes, this is what I will work on!” John thought to himself. Now, he planned on what he was going to do about different ways he could help reduce the usage of plastics. He decided that he would firstly conduct a survey, to figure out why people used plastic bags, what they would do after using them, and what were the inconveniences they experienced.
          He found out that plastic bags were a convenient way of carrying objects. He thought if there was a way to replace plastics with cloth. But, now the problem was that it was too costly. It seemed like it would not work. He almost wanted to give up. He suddenly remembered his mother saying, “Nothing comes your way if you do not try again and again.”
He was now inspired to work harder to achieve his goal. He reviewed the matter with a calmer mind. Now, most people knew they should reduce their use of plastic and recycle their plastic bags, but the recycling bins were too far away for them to walk to. John seemed to get an idea after reviewing the matter. He thought if people could not go to bins, the bins could go nearer to them for their convenience. He suggested using rubber to make the recycling bins since it was eco-friendlier than plastic and he would be able to show his step towards recycling and the people would also do the same. This plan seemed like a good idea.
His idea moved many people, and they were inspired to recycle.Through this, he gained a reputation, and also encouraged people to recycle, saving the world’s existence.
(548 words)

to help save the world
his first plan failed
he decides not to give up
he worked on another plan, and it worked  :)

Language Arts Alternative Assessment 1 by Max (Corrections)

As the lift descended from the tall skyscraper, in which Timothy had lived in his entire life. While the elevator fell towards the ground, he kept thinking of what the surface looked. Would it be filled with trees and vehicles? When he asked about the surface at the dinner table, his parents would shy away from the topic. Finally, the lift slowed, and the large metal door of the lift thundered open. When the door, opened a large gust of wind hit Timothy’s face, he could feel the warm air surround him and the smell emanating from the outside was putrid. When he took a step outside, he could see the soaring skyscrapers dominating the skyline of City No. 3. Not long after he stepped out of the doorway, he found himself in the middle of a large crowd.

Once he finally managed to squeeze his way through the crowd to the other side of the street, he noticed an old woman sitting against a wall. The old lady looked very frail. As she sat there begging for change. As he approached her she looked at him with suspicious eyes, she then turned back to the street and continued her begging. Timothy was confused, in History class, he had learnt, in the past there were people so poor that they had to beg for money though he had never seen one before! He placed $50 in the hands of the old woman. The old lady seemed shocked at first then she turned up to look at him. Before she could say anything, a rumble was heard. Timothy turned up to see what was causing it and turned to look at the old woman but saw that she was gone. Then he heard a yell and people started fleeing, screaming in fear.

While people fled, Timothy saw water began to flow into the street. Panicking as the people scrambled to get to one of the roadside buildings, he spotted a small building closest to him and made a run for it. When Timothy made his way into the building, he could see a few people trying to make it in as well, but they were too late as the shutters on top of the building lowered before they could make it inside, trapping them outside. Timothy could not believe what just happened he stood still silent in the crowd, after minutes of silence; he mustered enough courage to start asking questions. He approached a large middle-aged man standing in the crowd. “Are floods commonplace here?” The man looked at him before answering him “It’s been like that since the sea levels started to rise too high due to melting ice caps due to Global Warming.. If the dams at the mouth of the rivers and the walls surrounding the city weren't there, the entire surface of City No. 3 would be underwater by now.” Timothy was stunned; he did not know the floods were that severe.” Suddenly an announcement came out of nowhere “ Please avoid the streets on Friday, as we are raising the sidewalks.” Suddenly the shutters opened, and the people came crashing out of the building that Timothy realised was a restaurant.
Then the crowds once again returned to normal, Timothy rushed back to the large metal door that took him down to the surface. He had much to think about after that incident.

Josiah Choo AA Corrections

Name: Josiah Choo
Date:3rd February 2016
Title: The Coming (Corrections)

    Everything was peaceful on earth, until that fateful day, the day of the "Coming". The skies blackened, there was no light for seven whole days. After the seventh day, massive objects parted the clouds as they slowly approached earth. Just as they were reaching near, they all stopped mid-air. Everyone was staring at those objects floating in the air. A resounding voice filled the whole earth."Beings of Planet 0-1-6978-71-9. We have been observing you "humans" since this planet was created. This planet slowly dies. Every minute of every hour, because of you people.Due to that, we have decided to exterminate every living life form from this planet and allow it to start anew." The voice had stopped. Silence filled the earth. Everyone was silent in fear. Just moments later, the objects in the sky slowly descended further.

    Thus, the destruction began. Many people tried to flee, but their efforts were to no avail. Lizard-like beings glided down from the skies. They came in the thousands, millions. Their methods of killing were harsh and cruel thus; they were named Draconians. They slaughtered families. Mothers, fathers, children alike. Everything that moved they butchered.

    I joined up with the air force to lend my aid. According to the reports on these aliens, their biggest ship, supposedly the mother ship, was sitting right at the top of the Eiffel tower. Our goal as air force pirates was to basically, blow it up. Though we knew this was no easy task, we all concentrated on getting back to our families.

    Once our attack started, we were organised and flew in squadrons of four, attacking the enemy with a constant bombardment of missiles. Unfortunately, our efforts were futile. The materials used in constructing the ships was powerful enough to not only withstand all our attacks, but not even get a single scratch. Knowing we could not win this way, we retreated away to think of a plan to win.

    Just then, I realised one of my fellow air force pilots, Sandro, being chased by a draconian attack vessel. Just as a shot was fired from the vessel, Sandro, being a veteran like me, darted to the left and dodged the projectile. That purple plasma like projectile flew straight towards the alien ship and blew a hole clean through it. This was the moment when the idea hit me. The only way to win is to fight fire with fire. I flew precariously close to the alien ship and managed to eject and land on one of the attack vessels.

    Luckily for me, the controls of the attack vessel were very much similar to that of the game I used to play called Red Plane. I scampered through the controls and found the start up button, pushing it with eagerness.

    As the plane took off, I felt my stomach turn inside out as I drew closer and closer to the mother ship. I aimed my flight path straight for the centre of the mother ship. I flew in and fired a shot at a glowing crystal. Small cracks spread rapidly across the clear blue power source. It exploded into billions of pieces.
   I finally completed my mission and returned home to my family, safely.

Ethan Ng (20) Alternative Assessment (corrections)

Final Draft Corrections: English Alternative Assessment
Name: Ethan Ng (20)
Class: S1-03
Date: 28-2-2016

KP20-Insect mutation virus

“A bit of this… and a bit of that and finally! I am finally done with my creation! After years of hard work, I can finally take my revenge on Earth! This virus, once I release it, every insect, far and wide, will destroy everything in their path! Hahaha!” exclaimed the Professor.
The devious professor released the virus into the air and cackled to himself.
         The insects in contact with the virus started mutating. Tiny, innocent little bugs turned into hideous monsters. Stronger and smarter, they made their way to their first innocent animal which crushed under the menace of the insects. A cold, malevolent glare was in their eyes.
        Benny was a young boy who lived in the middle of a humid and stuffy desert with the professor’s laboratory in sight. He and his family saw the mutated insects and the killings. They instinctively knew they were going to be next, sooner or later. He told his parents, “I’ll get help from that building over there!”
         Without waiting for an answer, he took off as fast as his legs could take him. He knew he needed help. He hid behind some debris which the insects had destroyed, hoping that he would not get discovered. Benny’s heart pounded, and he felt like his heart was at his mouth. Then, he took a deep breath, made a dash for the door and was now inside the laboratory in the building.  
         The laboratory was dark, and it emitted an ominous feeling. Benny discovered some activity going on in a particular room. Peeking inside, he saw the professor watching the television. The newscaster reported, “A weird mutation has occurred! Insects are turning into monsters! It's genocide!”
        A loud cackle from the professor ensued, “Hahaha! Yes! I’ve succeeded!”
        Benny realised the professor’s evil plan and thought: You will pay. Your plan is going to fail!
         Without wasting any more time, the intrepid boy looked around and found a specimen of the virus and the antidote. A description of the virus stated: Targeted at insects. Humans will get killed if they come into any physical contact with it. The antidote had a handwritten label that read ‘To stop the virus, a human needs to get to the swarm and ingest this antidote there. The antidote will react with the human body, causing it to explode and release chemicals that will kill the mutated insects.’
         Benny gulped. He was in a dilemma as he did not want to die. However, for the sake of his beloved family, he had no choice but to sacrifice himself. He grabbed the antidote and ran out. From the distance, he saw the swarm of insects and rushed towards them. When he got into the middle of the swarm, he drank the antidote. A tremendous amount of energy and chemical scattered. The boy, sadly, exploded too.
         In a minute, all the insects were dead. His family was safe. His parents were aggrieved, but deep down they knew that Benny would be happy that everyone else was safe.

Brandon Kang AA1 Corrections.

Name and Class: Brandon S103.

Pangea, a planet entirely covered in magnificent flora, blue leaves accompanied glorious flowers of different hues, named after the prehistoric supercontinent as it had no visible bodies of water.
Beyond these charming and awe-striking scenery laid a horrible truth. Amongst the dark, fertile soil hid the roots. In which, had intertwined with each other and fired off biochemical signals to communicate with each other and these roots combined with the planet’s crust, and the atmosphere which were all connected.
Therefore, Pangea gained sentience.
Pangea had dominance over its natural climate, thicken the forestation and had control over its gravitational pull. Its parent star was Alpha Centauri A, the closest star to our sun, which also had a solar system of its own. In the recent months, it had pulled itself out of orbit and was drifting slowly towards earth.  
The International Inter-Galactic Organization (IGO) sent a crew of fifteen astronauts, lead by Danny Tomshire and Alice Bedfordshire on space-cruiser OutWard, to explore Pangea.  
They were to begin research on the other parts of Pangea.     
They cleared a path for a research trek. During the trek, strange things happened. Plants hit the crew, and they tripped over plants that were not supposed to be there. Danny questioned himself, “Could this planet be alive? How did these plants move?”
The following morning, the crew saw that dark clouds were enveloping the sky, and made a dash back for OutWard. Alice, who was always on task, was still taking notes, oblivious to her surroundings. Then, came the sound of thunder. Later followed by lightning. The sky turned purple, and the rain came pouring down. Seen in the sky were streaks of lightning; that were so bright they blinded the crew eyes
Then, tornados came crashing through the forests, tearing away everything in their path. There were also earthquakes, with rumbles that sent shocks not only through the crust but also through the crew’s hearts. They tried to remain composed.
Lastly, came the falling debris. Flying trunks or branches were sent flying all over the place, thanks to the devastating cyclone. The crew leapt forward, with huge steps. A massive tree trunk hit Danny on his back. He felt his bones cracking. He flailed his limbs around helplessly while screaming for help. The crew ran back to Danny and tried to lift up the trunk as hard as they could. They finally manage to set Danny free. Alice, although feeble herself supported Danny, who was limping. They then made a dash, running as fast as their legs could carry them. Tremors filled the ground. Multiple tornados formed. OutWard was destroyed in this “end of the world” scenario. The crew rushed towards their travel pods and fled. They fled back to Earth.
While, safe and sound, back on Earth, the crew rejoiced about their survival. Had they stayed any longer, they would have perished. Their explorations were inconclusive. Pangea, seeing the earthlings have fled, went back to orbit. The crew shared their terrifying and, somewhat incredible experience on Pangea, The LIVING Planet.

Danny and his team WANTED to explore Pangea, BUT Pangea was alive and was furious SO it begin summoning natural disasters THEN Danny and his crew fled back to Earth.

Saturday, 27 February 2016

Lee Dominic AA1 corrections.

  name: Lee Dominic
  Class: s1-03
  title: rise of the clone doctors (final)

     2141, two days after the world war three ended. It left behind abandoned houses, and many buildings were engulfed in flames. There were soldiers with amputated limbs and children who lost their parents because they died in the frontline, or because of the chaotic attacks of the intruders. Everywhere lay dead bodies, decomposed and unhygienic. The town that the people once knew was gone!
     However, amongst all the broken buildings, only one was still standing and functioning. That was the hospital, which was situated in the heart of the city. Endless people rushed in and out of the hospital with no end in sight
     At the start of the day, Doctor Jonathan was given a day briefing. It stated that it was two days after the war and that the number of patients he had to operate in a day had escalated by twenty times. Jonathan stood next to his desk, shell-shocked and frail.
     Jonathan's table stood dimly lighted lamp.  He sat on his soft, red chair and started to ponder and devise a plan.
     At the help desk, many people gathered to complain about the service, and some even shouted: “What do you mean by you have a lack of manpower? Lives are at stake!” The queue for the limb cloning operation stretched all the way to the other side of the barren town that was in ruins.
     Then suddenly, an idea ‘flashed’ in Jonathan's head. “Bingo! If I could clone limbs, that means I can clone doctors too! That means we shall no longer have a lack of manpower anymore!" He got so excited, without thinking of the consequences, he made a dash for the cloner.
     “Tissues, check! DNA, check! Cells, check! All genetic information copied. All cleared for cloning!” Jonathan worked as if he were a mad scientist. On his first attempt, his hard work paid off. He had created ten clones! They all spoke in unison, “Hello! Shall we begin with our work?” Jonathan admired his work without making a sound. Then, he commanded the clones to head to the operating theaters and start doing their job, and they obeyed! Jonathan grinned with a megawatt smile. Knowing that he would now be able to save more lives and time.
     At the end of the day, the clones hated the job. They each had their own mind and wanted to do something else; like taking over the world. Jonathan went into the room a little later only to find out that the clones were missing. He also noticed that the surgical knives were missing! Jonathan turned white as a sheet. He ran out of the hospital and found many dead bodies with blood dripping out of them. Each held a surgical knife, looked identical and were lifeless. Those were the clones!  
“Freeze!  We are the police! Doctor Jonathan, we have shot those identical looking people due to their hostile intentions, and you're suspected of organizing these crimes! You are under arrest! Surrender or we shall use force to arrest you!” Jonathan put his hands in the air. He did not know what would happen next, but he knew it would not be good.

English Alternative Assessment corrections by Saffron Lim

Name: Saffron Lim (04)
Class: S1-03
Title: Faster Than Light (corrections)

   They heard light footsteps, followed by a heavier tread. A sonorous voice rang out, “ Miss Chara, we are here.” The staff of CERN*, the European Organization for Nuclear Research looked up from the four elliptical sweep of screens and panels. A herculean black man stood with his arms crossed.
      “Indeed, Mister Tyson,” said a timid voice. The staff turned to the voice and saw an elfin girl in school uniform. Two small black epaulets adorned her collar, a red ‘C’ on the left and a butterfly on the right.                    
     “Ongelooflike*!” murmured an Afrikaans accent, “ We have little particles and now little girls in CERN.”
    She looked like a Japanese child though the look in her eyes was older. 
“Who are you and what are you doing here? This is a high-security area that requires Level seven access,” snapped a woman.
    The girl swept her eyes around the space as if looking for a killer. She withdrew a rectangular object, smiling, “ Will this do, Dr. Sheehy?”
    Dr. Sheehy swallowed and looked at her colleagues. It was a Golden Ticket; a card encrypted to enter any office in CERN, NATO, the UN, IAEA* and the EU.
    “I am Chara from Contingencies. This is Mister Tyson, one of the Four Horsemen.” 
There was silence. This was a Contingencies agent with a Golden Ticket. And with one of the Four Horsemen. “Two days ago, a capsule appeared from nowhere on a French-built Mistral Warship in Marseille. Half of the six-meter capsule is still sticking out of the starboard hull.” 
    “I sense fear”, thought Chara. “Contingencies is interested. A beta version of the Hyperloop capsule rammed the vessel at light speed while the Alpha version is being still tested in California. The reduced pressure tube with pods driven by induction motors and compressors can theoretically achieve a maximum velocity of 1220 km/h.”
A spasm appeared on the South African’s cheek. He looked at Dr. Sheehy, who turned away. “There was a thin film of biological material coated inside the capsule. They were pulverised issue”.
     A few of the staff looked at Chara but what they saw was too frightening. Her kind was heard of but never seen – Monarch, the pin on her collar.
     “I can see your Tesla car remotes on the table tops and sense them in your pockets.” There was a general shuffling around at this. “ Tesla and Hyperloop – aren’t they the same company, Dr. Sheehy?”
    They were all on edge now, Chara bared her sharpened teeth, and they recoiled.
     “An organization had built a secret Hyperloop tube around the circumference of the Large Hadron Collider within an undeclared service tunnel. The passenger testing has been conducted with live subjects, probably refugees. Somehow the protons accelerated by the four boosters entered the Hyperloop. Hence, an FTL object was created accidentally or deliberately.”
“Hyperloop was never going to be a transport system. It was a railgun that could drive a capsule or a warhead to exceed c.”

     I am Chara; I am a Contingencies Agent.

     “We can’t change the history or causality created. We will continue this project you’ve started. We thank you.“

I close chapters to hide our futures and my past.

“Mister Tyson, they’re all yours.”    

His black suit heaved, split and a ball of white light filled the entire space.

*CERN: Organisation EuropĂ©enne pour la Recherche NuclĂ©aire (French)                            European Organization for Nuclear Research (English)
* Ongelooflijke ( Afrikaans ): Incredible 

* IAEA: International Atomic Energy Agency 

LA AA, Another Universe (Corrected) by Christopher


                                    Another Universe

    It was the year 2100; technology is advanced. Cars no longer had wheels. Instead, they levitated. On that day, Keegan was requested by Aero, the scientist, to come to his workshop. At first, Keegan was puzzled. It was the first time Aero allowed him to enter his workshop. A surge of excitement rushed through him; he knew he was in for a surprise.
    When Keegan reached the door of the workshop, it was opened. Though hesitant, he was eager to know. He gently pushed the door, and he saw something unusual.
    “Woah! What is this?” Keegan exclaimed, his eyes widened.
    “This is the machine I told you about that would bring me home! It’s going to create a portal to the parallel universe I live in.” Aero exclaimed, smiling. Keegan then suddenly remembered Aero said that the parallel universe gets created when someone makes a decision which causes it to create a parallel world where it was the same, but the decision or action that had been done differently created a different outcome.
    Aero walked towards the machine and punched in some numbers into the keypad. In a split second, a bolt of lightning sparked. “Boom!” A portal appeared in front of their eyes. Astounded, Keegan exclaimed,” Aero, can I come with you?” Aero, looking at the portal, said,”No.”
   Keegan was utterly disappointed. “No, I won’t let him stop me,” Keegan thought to himself. He sprinted towards the portal and jumped into it. Aero surprised, ran into the portal. He knew he had to stop Keegan.
    “Amazing,” Keegan told himself. He was in the same place, just a bit different. Suddenly, he felt a tap on his shoulder. He turned around and saw Aero, not looking too happy.
    “You’ve got to get back to your world right now!” Aero said. Keegan was traumatised, did he do something wrong? It was not too long before he knew. He soon heard screams and yells for help. He quickly ran outside to see what had happened. Keegan, speechless, stood frozen still.
    Something big and black in the sky was sucking objects and people into it. Keegan soon realised that he had made a grave mistake. Quickly, he turned around and asked Aero for help.Aero told him that he had to go back to his world. By doing this, it would stop the black hole which Keegan created when he came into this world from destroying everything.
    Aero quickly keyed in the numbers to activate the portal. Unfortunately, the machine was faulty, and he needed time to fix the machine. Keegan could only stand and watch innocent lives get taken away and families torn apart. If only he had not been so rash and listened to Aero, this would have not happened.
    Once Aero had fixed the machine, the portal immediately appeared. Keegan jumped into the portal.
    When Keegan got back, the machine was gone. He sat down on the couch, praying that what he had just experienced was not real, that it was all just his imagination. Worry was written all over his face, Keegan slowly closed his eyes and small tears rolled down his cheeks. His mouth soon tasted salty from all the crying; he felt empty and hollow inside. “ What have I done?” Keegan asked himself.

Jasper Yong 14 AA corrections

Name: Jasper Yong
class: S1-03
                                       ATTACK OF THE ROBOTS

  “Creak…” the titanium plating on Gohan's body armour creaked as he practiced sparring with Johnson, his rival in the Elite 4, a special department in the United World Force, the “Elites”. It was the year 2069, and the army was high tech. Gohan and the Elite 4 were sparring in the gravity room in an army base far out in Canada. The Elite 4 consisted of Gohan, Johnson, Leiko and Trim.
           ‘BEEP!” the alarm on Gohan's scouter beeped, signifying it as the time for them to stop for a break. Gohan walked over to the gel door as it recognized his heat signature and melted open. He led his team to the mission room, to check for missions with the Mother Bot, R-9000. However, when they got there, R-9000 was missing. Gohan assumed that they had no missions that day, and led his team out.
           However, a hacker far away grinned sadistically.
       Gohan and his team walked over to the canteen, as Gohan looked over to see that the cook bots were missing. His scouter suddenly beeped. “RED ALERT! VIRUS IN AI DETECTED”
        Robots started pouring in as he shouted,”GET OUT OF THE BUILDING AND SECURE POSITIONS!” Gohan and his team charged out of the facility as their feet pounded against the smooth metal floor.
         They ran out, along with three fully armed platoons of soldiers.Gohan got the platoons into positions as his team activated their plasma based weapons. The robots came out as R-9000 stood in the front, Glaring at the humans.
         The sounds of blasters filled the air as the humans battled the androids, the floor slick with blood. Gohan panted, thinking, “I need to do this… to save my country!”
         R-9000 attacked, slicing the air above Gohan and narrowly missed. Johnson moved aside as Gohan attacked R-9000 one on one. Although outmatched, Gohan managed to hold out for awhile before suddenly,  Gohan felt pain as he was impaled by R-9000’s plasma blade. It tossed Gohan aside, angrily. The humans were losing. While on the ground, Gohan's eyes suddenly snapped open.
           Gohan looked around in a daze as he saw his friends and allies dying to the androids and losing to R-9000.He thought, “no… he’s too strong!” The pain in his stomach was overwhelmed by adrenaline as he did the one thing the army told him not to do. He powered up his gloves and Superheated the air in between his hands and created a plasma ball within an Electro Magnetic field, melting off his scouter as he aimed towards an unsuspecting R-900 and screamed,” I WILL NOT LET YOU DESTROY MY WORLD!!!!” he shot the beam of plasma towards R-9000, completely disintegrating the Hyper Android and using up all the energy in his suit. Gohan collapsed alongside all the androids, the world saved.
          The Virus signature on the android's lead all the way back to an extremist from Korea who wanted to rule the world. The CIA captured him and brought him to a high-security prison.
While Gohan's passing days were blurry, his friends made a full recovery quickly. Johnson finally admitted that Gohan was better than him. Because they all knew, if not for Gohan's leadership and resilience, Canada might have been destroyed.

Creative writing 3 by sarah fareed kagda

        When I was a child, I well remember the day when my sister and I were brushing our teeth in the morning. I filled my cup with water and splashed it on her for no reason whatsoever. Hearing my sister scream and cry quite pathetically, my parents turned to me and were infuriated.
        Having yelled at me, my parents sent me to my room. I cried and shuffled down as slowly as I could, even if it was one step away in the next room. After ages that were seconds, I reached my confinement chamber. I, being a funny child, dropped to the ground, rolling excruciatingly slowly, over to my bed. The sunlight streamed in, the orange walls making it bounce all around the room. I sighed. It was still morning. Back then, I would have felt being stuck in the small room was painful. Now I would have been thrilled because my room is like a whole world to me. Of course, I would not do anything wrong to be placed nicely in there.
        I woke up without remembering going to sleep. The room was filled with dark as if someone had come in and painted the air black. I tried to go back to sleep as usually I woke up at odd times like this for no reason, but Seth, my imaginary cat, started growling. Then I noticed the person at the window. I could feel their presence overpowering me in the dusty room.what were they doing? Were they hijacking my toys? I refused to move, wondering if they would run away if I did. At least, then I would know whether this person was a thief. 
        Later in the morning, through a sleepless night, long after the figure had gone, I rose. To this day, long after the mystical incident, I still have no idea who the person was, and if they had taken something. 

English Alternative assessment corrections by Keith Tan (24)

It was the year 2093, Byrd was learning science from his teacher, Mr Fawke, ‘This is all child's play to me’ Byrd thought to himself as he swiftly completed his worksheet.
After school had ended, Byrd walked though the technology filled streets of Lothal. As he pulled open the front door, Ori, his family robot excitedly said, “Welcome back young master! I have been meaning to tell you, my circuits…”
Realising that Byrd was not listening, Ori stopped and left. Byrd laid down on the couch and slowly drifted to sleep. However, he awoke to the deafening sound of alarms blaring all around him. Ori had picked up a knife and swung it wildly while screeching, “Die mankind!”
Byrd swung his backpack over his shoulders and ran to a window; the window did not stand a chance against agile Byrd as he landed perfectly on the pavement outside his house.
The outside was no better as humans ran from the crazy robots. “Follow me!.” An unfamiliar voice said.
Turning around, Byrd saw a boy about his age who was carrying a crowbar and smelled heavily of grease. Sensing no other choice, he followed the boy as he turned into a corner of a building, revealing well-hidden stairs leading down.
“I am Byrd, what about you?” Byrd asked the boy.
“My name is Tyr” The boy replied as they both walked down the stairs.
They entered the bunker where a dozen other people stood in front of a rectangular table. “Mr Fawke? Why are you here?” Byrd exclaimed.
Mr Fawke smiled and gestured for him to take a seat, so Byrd did. “What is happening? Why is it happening? And where are my parents?” Byrd blurted out.
Mr Fawke smiled sadly, “Everyone who could have been saved are in this room, the robots are planning to destroy mankind. The number of transistors in an integrated circuit increased exponentially, increasing computing capabilities hundredfold. This was predicted by Moore’s law, which observed and predicted this, but we did not listen.”
Byrd, angry and determined, asked, “How do we stop this?”
“Destroy the smartest computer,” Tyr replied.
After planning,  they marched up to the Lothal tower where the computer sat at the far end of a room, without acknowledging them.
Byrd ran forward only to get punched by a robot, not there a second ago. The team charged as Tyr ran to his friend’s side. Fortunately, observant Byrd came up with a plan, “He delays when programming the robot to attack.”
Knowing where Byrd was going, Tyr helped Byrd up and charged to an undefended spot. The plan went smoothly as the computer stalled. Byrd tightened his grip and a sledgehammer flew, busting the computer in on itself. They had won!
Not long after, they had to rebuild Lothal, throwing all the robots away to prevent that incident from happening again.
“How do you think Lothal would be in the future?” Tyr asked resting Byrd.
“Better than before,” Byrd said smiling.

English Alternative Assessment corrections by Kinjal Agarwal (02)

Draft 6: English Alternative Assessment
Name: Kinjal Agarwal
Class: S1-03
Date: 2-2-2016

The UNIQUE Girl!

Jessica’s eyelids peeled open before sliding close again. She yawned and then went back to sleep. She rolled to the side while her hologram watch lit up the whole room. It made a loud and annoying ‘beeping’ alarm that irritated her so badly. Its volume increased by the second. By then, Jessica was getting mad of the buzzing. She stood on her toes before giving out another loud yawn.
Jessica wore her most elegant outfit for Orientation that day. Although she was looking fabulous, she folded her arms and frowned, telling herself that she looked hideous because of her dark skin colour.
As soon as Jessica reached school, she settled down at her desk immediately, trying not to waste any time. She went to her Smart table and read a message from her classmate, “Hey, morning Blacky. You should change your name to Jessica Black instead! Haha!”. Jessica ignored the message and clicked on the “DEL” button. Jessica tried to concentrate on Mr Brown’s lesson before another message from the same classmate appeared on her screen.
“Don’t blame yourself Jessica! Being DARK skinned was in your genes, which your parents could not control…Ha Ha Ha!”. Jessica punched her finger on the “DEL” button again. She was getting a bit frustrated. More came.
“Seriously, you might also be mistaken for COAL one day! Ha Ha Ha !”. Jessica furiously jabbed the “DEL” button. And now she was about to lost her temper as she could not bear it when people made fun of her skin colour.
That day after school, without turning back to go home. She then went to meet a surgeon, Mr Lee. She stormed into the surgeon’s clinic and demanded to look “Fairer” while she was fuming with anger and her blood was boiling. Mr Lee told her calmly that it would be possible through a holographic surgery called Fairesynthesis, which could beautify someone within minutes. However, it would cost her a fortune, which she would not be able to afford it.
“I will do anything to be FAIRER! I am ready to do anything to generate the money. Just make my skin fair !” Jessica roared. The surgeon told Jessica to take a deep breath and then reflect on what she said. Jessica was adamant about her decision.
“Would you sell your kidney to generate the money?” The surgeon questioned her curiously.
“YES! I WILL! I WILL!” Jessica replied confidently. She did not fear in doing anything. Then, Mr Lee explained to her slowly.
 “Jessica, you are not that dark after all. In fact, you are quite fair. You were from the previous generation when this invention was not completed yet. So you should be proud of it and not embarrassed. Your skin colour should be a symbol of the fact that you are the oldest girl from that generation! You are UNIQUE Jessica!”.
Jessica went home more confidently, with her sleeves up, not afraid to show her dark skin. Even in school, she was no longer afraid. After the conversation with the doctor, Jessica was no longer hesitant to show anyone who she was as she wanted to show everyone what the real Jessica was. Jessica also wanted people to like her for who she was.

(537 words)

Friday, 26 February 2016

English Alternative Assessment Corrections by Oh Jun Rong (21)

    John was exploring the old abandoned library, in the year 3065, until his energy scanner started to vibrate and flash. “What could be emitting this much energy?” John mumbled to himself. The scanner flashed faster and faster until it had reached the point where the screen remained lit. Suddenly, a man appeared. He was wearing a mask. John noticed that his right eye was blue, and it had a square for its pupil. “I have been watching you. I believe you should know the truth about the Order, for you have potential.” the masked man said in a deep voice. The masked man then told him to follow him.

      The masked man brought John to a bookshelf. He then pulled out a book, which turned out to be a secret lever that opened up the bookshelf. Beyond the bookshelf was a room. The masked man entered the room, and John followed him obediently. John looked around the room in amazement. The room had a lot of equipment and in the room, a gargantuan hexagonal gate stood at the end of the room. There were articles mainly about the election in 3055 where Mr Maximus Ort became the president instead of Johnathan Tru, due to his sudden disappearance. John then wondered what had happened to Johnathan Tru. He also remembered that the majority of the people was going to vote for Johnathan.

      The masked man then said that the hexagonal gate was a time gate. It followed the principles of the singlet time travel theory. When two pairs of protons collide in a very powerful particle collider, like the Large Hadron Collider, the explosion will create a new particle, the Higgs singlet, which allows things to travel forward and backwards through time. The gate itself was a particle collider, more powerful than the Large Hadron Collider, and it would also extract the protons from the air in the gate. Creating large amounts of the Higgs singlet. The gate would then create an electrical barrier which would protect all that was outside the gate. He then did what he had to, and soon the impossible happened.

      The masked man then grabbed a blood-stained knife from the table nearby. The masked man said to John that he should jump through the gate if he still wanted to know the truth. He then jumped through the portal and John followed suit.

      When John jumped through, he fell to the ground, for not being used to time travel. And when John looked up, he saw the masked man stabbing Maximus Ort in the heart with the knife. “This is what you will be doing to Johnathan Tru, with this same knife, but the result for you will be different, for you, it will be sure death,” the masked man said in a serious tone. He then stabbed John. “I shall get rid of anyone who has the potential of Maximus Ort, and I will take my rightful place in leading the Order for my name is Johnathan Tru.” John then fell to the ground and lost all consciences.

      John wanted to find out the truth about the election, but the masked man did not tell him anything, so John went to the library, and they then jumped back through time.

English Alternative Assessment corrections by Tan Ray Shyuan

      "Run!” Kendra yelled at Jewel. They ran as fast as lightning but were still caught by a

mischievous piglet. “ I finally caught you!  Little humans,” It  said, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Kendra and Jewel were then placed in a big jar with holes in the lid.  “Jewel! Why did you do

this?” Kendra yelled at Jewel. Apparently, they had gone to a parallel universe, via a portal.                                                                                                                                  

      “ Here you go.” The piglet said as he threw Kendra and Jewel into a  cage.Their eyes darted

from side to side, to their surprise, many humans were living in the cage.                                                                                                            

        The cage’s condition was horrible, it smelled like rotten eggs, with human faeces everywhere.

Kendra and Jewel could not believe their eyes; they had to find a way to escape.

      That night, Kendra and Jewel had to sleep on filthy mattresses. The next day, Kendra

Revealed her big plan to the humans living there. When she talked to the humans, they all

approved of her idea, but knew that it was impossible for that to happen.

           “ Eureka!” Kendra shrieked. A brilliant idea suddenly struck her. “ What is it?” Jewel

asked curiously.  “  When the piglet feeds us and opens the gate,  someone will run out so that

The attention goes to him, and then, we will all dash out! Kendra explained.

      “Creak," the gate opened, they sprang into action.  John, a fellow human, sacrificed himself

Moreover, tried to divert attention.Then, the piglet started to chase after him. However, they had

underestimated it, it quickly caught up with John and squashed him in a blink of

An eye. Everyone was shocked with fear; they had shivers sent down their spines.

      “ That is what will happen if any of you try to escape!” It laughed. The look in the piglet eyes made their blood run cold. Then, he walked away.   “                              

         Kendra asked the remaining humans remorsefully, “ Anyone still wants to join me for plan

          B?”. There was a long silence.

        “ We must avenge John’s death!” some humans protested. On the other hand, some

people disagreed as more innocent lives might be sacrificed.

        Everyone began distrusting each other, and if that were to continue, they would be stuck

There forever! Kendra wanted to change the mindset of them; thus, she gave motivational speeches to encourage them to work together.

        After many talks, everyone finally agreed. Now, they had to carry out the plan, “ To play

dead”. “ It may seem simple, but, one wrong move and we are all dead as a dodo,” Jewel


       The next morning, plan B was carried out. They laid on the ground, not moving a single

muscle. Finally, piglet woke up and was dumbfounded to see all of his "pets" lifelessly on the

ground. Kendra and Jewel and stayed as still as a statue. It then throw them around, checking if

they were dead.                                                                                        

     After what seemed like an eternity, the piglet gave up and was convinced that they were all

dead. He then left the cage at the garbage dump.

        “ We are free!” Everyone screamed with joy; they were finally out of misery! If it was not for

Kendra's determination; they would be still trapped in that "living hell."

 Somebody: Kendra and Jewel Wanted: To escape the cage But: Their plan failed So: The

humans had a conflict Then: They decided to work together

English AA corrections by Ria D.N

     Some called those creatures robots, others, metal people. They looked like humans, they had feelings like humans but they were more powerful, much more powerful.

     The hundred of them wanted to rule the planet, rule over us. Only one word burned in our minds. War. So that’s what we did. All countries started a war against them. Within days, the war was over leaving billions dead. Who won? The metal hearts won.

     Earth had been destroyed. Trees were cut, corpses littered the barren ground and streets were empty. Yet they kept the remaining alive. Everyone wondered why, so did I. One day it struck me. Every king had slaves. They had us, their two million slaves.

     They retired into a glass chamber at night to charge themselves. They used flying capsules for transportation. This was the feat the human race was trying to achieve for years. Those robots did them in weeks. We toiled in their factories for them.

     One day, as I sat with my friends, Mia and Summer for lunch, a hand tapped my back. I turned around to see a boy with brown hair and the bluest of eyes. He waved and sat down with us. I would catch him stealing glances at me sometimes. His name was Alex. From that day, Alex would sit with us every day and entertain us with his silly jokes. One afternoon, Summer and Mia were not around and it was just the both of us.

     “I have something to tell you, Ash. I’m not one of you” he said to me.

     “What? What do you mean?”

     “I’m a metal person, all platinum.”

     By now, his hands were on mine. He thought what he said came as a shock to me but in my mind, a wild idea was starting to grow. I smiled.

     Late that night, I told Mia and Summer about my plan. I decided to put step one into action. The next day I chatted with Alex as usual.

     “How does the building look like from the inside?” I asked him.

     “You know what, I’ll show you the place.”

     The plan worked. Step one, successful. When he was sure no other robots were in the building, he brought me inside. The plain glass walls stifled me. There were rows of charging stations that look like uncomfortable couches. Over the next few days, I got some people to help me fill the glass chamber where the robots charged at night with hydrogen and oxygen, without the robots knowing.

     A week later, when the robots were charging, we put the plan into action. Mia waved to Alex from outside the chamber. He opened the door wondering why she wanted to talk to him at that hour. Mia stepped into the chamber as planned and slammed the metal door behind her. Alex stared at her in confusion. She clicked on the lighter she was holding. A loud ‘boom’ followed. We watched, frozen, as their platinum bodies catalysed the reaction. It was over in a blur.

     The robots were gone, so was Mia and Alex. I told myself this was a small price to pay. Earth had started recovering and so had we.

Isaac Chng 13 AA Corrections

English AA corrections by josh teo

Josh Teo

He opened his eyes.
It had been ages since Tom saw light. Glancing around, he recalled being placed in a cryogenic pod. As the pod opened, he realised that everyone had evacuated except him. Walking towards the exit, he pressed the lever and staggered out. Warm air smacked him, and sunlight pierced his eyes. Regaining his composure, he ambled out.

In the distance, a neon green river beckoned. It was radioactive, with wavy steam emanating.Tom spotted a brownish object and prodded. Immediately, it sprang to life, snarling and pouncing. It was a giant cockroach! He dodged instinctively and jabbed the stick at its belly. Transparent blood oozed out of its body and it gave a few twitches before dying.

Exhausted, he continued walking through the dismal, deserted town.

Common sense warned him to stop, but curiosity beckoned him.As he walked towards a dilapidated building, he encountered a rotting body shambling towards him. Tom prepared to retaliate when a golden retriever dashed forward. After a frenzied tussle. It walked off towards a young man having decapitated the creature.

“ You sure needed some help,” said the professor.” My name is Brady. Those were zombies.The radiation from the blast destroyed their brain except for the cerebellum, causing their feral nature and their ability to heal , similar to rabies”. ”Meet Bailey the dog,” said the professor. He then invited Tom to his lab. Tom nodded his acceptance. Once at the entrance, the professor jabbed a series of codes that unlocked the door and the trio entered and headed to the lab. There, the professor grabbed a syringe and stabbed his arm.
“Why did you do that?”, Tom asked
Smiling, the professor explained how the serum protected him from radiation and helped him regain his youth and strength.

Pointing to a picture of the spaceship, the interstellar express, he said they were leaving to planet Tarth. It was similar to Earth but only five times bigger. Tom was desperate and begged to be included. The professor agreed only if he helped to fight a final battle.

The next day, they left for the Dome where the spaceship was held.

Walking up a flight of stairs, they reached a platform. Lo and behold! A huge sentry bot with red eyes, four legs and mini-guns stepped in front oe laser did not destroy the enemy. The robot retaliated, and the professor was injured multiple times. But he healed miraculously. Bailey executed the attack strategy brilliantly by running in zig zags, distracting the robot as Tom aimed for the head. A final exchange of beams and the plan succeeded. Smiling they high-fived each other but minutes later sensed something was amiss.Bailey lay slumped in a pool of blood barely breathing.

 A warning screen: auto lock is commencing.

 Tom tugged at the professor's sleeve. They had to leave before it was too late.


 The professor stood at the doors with tears streaming. Bailey had been a good companion but life had to go on.