English Alternative assessment corrections by Keith Tan (24)

It was the year 2093, Byrd was learning science from his teacher, Mr Fawke, ‘This is all child's play to me’ Byrd thought to himself as he swiftly completed his worksheet.

After school had ended, Byrd walked though the technology filled streets of Lothal. As he pulled open the front door, Ori, his family robot excitedly said, “Welcome back young master! I have been meaning to tell you, my circuits…”

Realising that Byrd was not listening, Ori stopped and left. Byrd laid down on the couch and slowly drifted to sleep. However, he awoke to the deafening sound of alarms blaring all around him. Ori had picked up a knife and swung it wildly while screeching, “Die mankind!”

Byrd swung his backpack over his shoulders and ran to a window; the window did not stand a chance against agile Byrd as he landed perfectly on the pavement outside his house.

The outside was no better as humans ran from the crazy robots. “Follow me!.” An unfamiliar voice said.

Turning around, Byrd saw a boy about his age who was carrying a crowbar and smelled heavily of grease. Sensing no other choice, he followed the boy as he turned into a corner of a building, revealing well-hidden stairs leading down.

“I am Byrd, what about you?” Byrd asked the boy.

“My name is Tyr” The boy replied as they both walked down the stairs.

They entered the bunker where a dozen other people stood in front of a rectangular table. “Mr Fawke? Why are you here?” Byrd exclaimed.

Mr Fawke smiled and gestured for him to take a seat, so Byrd did. “What is happening? Why is it happening? And where are my parents?” Byrd blurted out.

Mr Fawke smiled sadly, “Everyone who could have been saved are in this room, the robots are planning to destroy mankind. The number of transistors in an integrated circuit increased exponentially, increasing computing capabilities hundredfold. This was predicted by Moore’s law, which observed and predicted this, but we did not listen.”

Byrd, angry and determined, asked, “How do we stop this?”

“Destroy the smartest computer,” Tyr replied.

After planning,  they marched up to the Lothal tower where the computer sat at the far end of a room, without acknowledging them.

Byrd ran forward only to get punched by a robot, not there a second ago. The team charged as Tyr ran to his friend’s side. Fortunately, observant Byrd came up with a plan, “He delays when programming the robot to attack.”

Knowing where Byrd was going, Tyr helped Byrd up and charged to an undefended spot. The plan went smoothly as the computer stalled. Byrd tightened his grip and a sledgehammer flew, busting the computer in on itself. They had won!

Not long after, they had to rebuild Lothal, throwing all the robots away to prevent that incident from happening again.

“How do you think Lothal would be in the future?” Tyr asked resting Byrd.

“Better than before,” Byrd said smiling.

English Alternative Assessment corrections by Kinjal Agarwal (02)

Draft 6: English Alternative Assessment
Name: Kinjal Agarwal
Class: S1-03
Date: 2-2-2016

The UNIQUE Girl!

Jessica’s eyelids peeled open before sliding close again. She yawned and then went back to sleep. She rolled to the side while her hologram watch lit up the whole room. It made a loud and annoying ‘beeping’ alarm that irritated her so badly. Its volume increased by the second. By then, Jessica was getting mad of the buzzing. She stood on her toes before giving out another loud yawn.
Jessica wore her most elegant outfit for Orientation that day. Although she was looking fabulous, she folded her arms and frowned, telling herself that she looked hideous because of her dark skin colour.
As soon as Jessica reached school, she settled down at her desk immediately, trying not to waste any time. She went to her Smart table and read a message from her classmate, “Hey, morning Blacky. You should change your name to Jessica Black instead! Haha!”. Jessica ignored the message and clicked on the “DEL” button. Jessica tried to concentrate on Mr Brown’s lesson before another message from the same classmate appeared on her screen.
“Don’t blame yourself Jessica! Being DARK skinned was in your genes, which your parents could not control…Ha Ha Ha!”. Jessica punched her finger on the “DEL” button again. She was getting a bit frustrated. More came.
“Seriously, you might also be mistaken for COAL one day! Ha Ha Ha !”. Jessica furiously jabbed the “DEL” button. And now she was about to lost her temper as she could not bear it when people made fun of her skin colour.
That day after school, without turning back to go home. She then went to meet a surgeon, Mr Lee. She stormed into the surgeon’s clinic and demanded to look “Fairer” while she was fuming with anger and her blood was boiling. Mr Lee told her calmly that it would be possible through a holographic surgery called Fairesynthesis, which could beautify someone within minutes. However, it would cost her a fortune, which she would not be able to afford it.
“I will do anything to be FAIRER! I am ready to do anything to generate the money. Just make my skin fair !” Jessica roared. The surgeon told Jessica to take a deep breath and then reflect on what she said. Jessica was adamant about her decision.
“Would you sell your kidney to generate the money?” The surgeon questioned her curiously.
“YES! I WILL! I WILL!” Jessica replied confidently. She did not fear in doing anything. Then, Mr Lee explained to her slowly.
 “Jessica, you are not that dark after all. In fact, you are quite fair. You were from the previous generation when this invention was not completed yet. So you should be proud of it and not embarrassed. Your skin colour should be a symbol of the fact that you are the oldest girl from that generation! You are UNIQUE Jessica!”.
Jessica went home more confidently, with her sleeves up, not afraid to show her dark skin. Even in school, she was no longer afraid. After the conversation with the doctor, Jessica was no longer hesitant to show anyone who she was as she wanted to show everyone what the real Jessica was. Jessica also wanted people to like her for who she was.

(537 words)

English Alternative Assessment Corrections by Oh Jun Rong (21)

    John was exploring the old abandoned library, in the year 3065, until his energy scanner started to vibrate and flash. “What could be emitting this much energy?” John mumbled to himself. The scanner flashed faster and faster until it had reached the point where the screen remained lit. Suddenly, a man appeared. He was wearing a mask. John noticed that his right eye was blue, and it had a square for its pupil. “I have been watching you. I believe you should know the truth about the Order, for you have potential.” the masked man said in a deep voice. The masked man then told him to follow him.

      The masked man brought John to a bookshelf. He then pulled out a book, which turned out to be a secret lever that opened up the bookshelf. Beyond the bookshelf was a room. The masked man entered the room, and John followed him obediently. John looked around the room in amazement. The room had a lot of equipment and in the room, a gargantuan hexagonal gate stood at the end of the room. There were articles mainly about the election in 3055 where Mr Maximus Ort became the president instead of Johnathan Tru, due to his sudden disappearance. John then wondered what had happened to Johnathan Tru. He also remembered that the majority of the people was going to vote for Johnathan.

      The masked man then said that the hexagonal gate was a time gate. It followed the principles of the singlet time travel theory. When two pairs of protons collide in a very powerful particle collider, like the Large Hadron Collider, the explosion will create a new particle, the Higgs singlet, which allows things to travel forward and backwards through time. The gate itself was a particle collider, more powerful than the Large Hadron Collider, and it would also extract the protons from the air in the gate. Creating large amounts of the Higgs singlet. The gate would then create an electrical barrier which would protect all that was outside the gate. He then did what he had to, and soon the impossible happened.

      The masked man then grabbed a blood-stained knife from the table nearby. The masked man said to John that he should jump through the gate if he still wanted to know the truth. He then jumped through the portal and John followed suit.

      When John jumped through, he fell to the ground, for not being used to time travel. And when John looked up, he saw the masked man stabbing Maximus Ort in the heart with the knife. “This is what you will be doing to Johnathan Tru, with this same knife, but the result for you will be different, for you, it will be sure death,” the masked man said in a serious tone. He then stabbed John. “I shall get rid of anyone who has the potential of Maximus Ort, and I will take my rightful place in leading the Order for my name is Johnathan Tru.” John then fell to the ground and lost all consciences.

      John wanted to find out the truth about the election, but the masked man did not tell him anything, so John went to the library, and they then jumped back through time.

English Alternative Assessment corrections by Tan Ray Shyuan

      "Run!” Kendra yelled at Jewel. They ran as fast as lightning but were still caught by a

mischievous piglet. “ I finally caught you!  Little humans,” It  said, grinning like a Cheshire cat.

Kendra and Jewel were then placed in a big jar with holes in the lid.  “Jewel! Why did you do

this?” Kendra yelled at Jewel. Apparently, they had gone to a parallel universe, via a portal.                                                                                                                                  

      “ Here you go.” The piglet said as he threw Kendra and Jewel into a  cage.Their eyes darted

from side to side, to their surprise, many humans were living in the cage.                                                                                                            

        The cage’s condition was horrible, it smelled like rotten eggs, with human faeces everywhere.

Kendra and Jewel could not believe their eyes; they had to find a way to escape.

      That night, Kendra and Jewel had to sleep on filthy mattresses. The next day, Kendra

Revealed her big plan to the humans living there. When she talked to the humans, they all

approved of her idea, but knew that it was impossible for that to happen.

           “ Eureka!” Kendra shrieked. A brilliant idea suddenly struck her. “ What is it?” Jewel

asked curiously.  “  When the piglet feeds us and opens the gate,  someone will run out so that

The attention goes to him, and then, we will all dash out! Kendra explained.

      “Creak," the gate opened, they sprang into action.  John, a fellow human, sacrificed himself

Moreover, tried to divert attention.Then, the piglet started to chase after him. However, they had

underestimated it, it quickly caught up with John and squashed him in a blink of

An eye. Everyone was shocked with fear; they had shivers sent down their spines.

      “ That is what will happen if any of you try to escape!” It laughed. The look in the piglet eyes made their blood run cold. Then, he walked away.   “                              

         Kendra asked the remaining humans remorsefully, “ Anyone still wants to join me for plan

          B?”. There was a long silence.

        “ We must avenge John’s death!” some humans protested. On the other hand, some

people disagreed as more innocent lives might be sacrificed.

        Everyone began distrusting each other, and if that were to continue, they would be stuck

There forever! Kendra wanted to change the mindset of them; thus, she gave motivational speeches to encourage them to work together.

        After many talks, everyone finally agreed. Now, they had to carry out the plan, “ To play

dead”. “ It may seem simple, but, one wrong move and we are all dead as a dodo,” Jewel

warned.

       The next morning, plan B was carried out. They laid on the ground, not moving a single

muscle. Finally, piglet woke up and was dumbfounded to see all of his "pets" lifelessly on the

ground. Kendra and Jewel and stayed as still as a statue. It then throw them around, checking if

they were dead.                                                                                        

     After what seemed like an eternity, the piglet gave up and was convinced that they were all

dead. He then left the cage at the garbage dump.

        “ We are free!” Everyone screamed with joy; they were finally out of misery! If it was not for

Kendra's determination; they would be still trapped in that "living hell."

 Somebody: Kendra and Jewel Wanted: To escape the cage But: Their plan failed So: The

humans had a conflict Then: They decided to work together

English AA corrections by Ria D.N

     Some called those creatures robots, others, metal people. They looked like humans, they had feelings like humans but they were more powerful, much more powerful.

     The hundred of them wanted to rule the planet, rule over us. Only one word burned in our minds. War. So that’s what we did. All countries started a war against them. Within days, the war was over leaving billions dead. Who won? The metal hearts won.

     Earth had been destroyed. Trees were cut, corpses littered the barren ground and streets were empty. Yet they kept the remaining alive. Everyone wondered why, so did I. One day it struck me. Every king had slaves. They had us, their two million slaves.

     They retired into a glass chamber at night to charge themselves. They used flying capsules for transportation. This was the feat the human race was trying to achieve for years. Those robots did them in weeks. We toiled in their factories for them.

     One day, as I sat with my friends, Mia and Summer for lunch, a hand tapped my back. I turned around to see a boy with brown hair and the bluest of eyes. He waved and sat down with us. I would catch him stealing glances at me sometimes. His name was Alex. From that day, Alex would sit with us every day and entertain us with his silly jokes. One afternoon, Summer and Mia were not around and it was just the both of us.

     “I have something to tell you, Ash. I’m not one of you” he said to me.

     “What? What do you mean?”

     “I’m a metal person, all platinum.”

     By now, his hands were on mine. He thought what he said came as a shock to me but in my mind, a wild idea was starting to grow. I smiled.

     Late that night, I told Mia and Summer about my plan. I decided to put step one into action. The next day I chatted with Alex as usual.

     “How does the building look like from the inside?” I asked him.

     “You know what, I’ll show you the place.”

     The plan worked. Step one, successful. When he was sure no other robots were in the building, he brought me inside. The plain glass walls stifled me. There were rows of charging stations that look like uncomfortable couches. Over the next few days, I got some people to help me fill the glass chamber where the robots charged at night with hydrogen and oxygen, without the robots knowing.

     A week later, when the robots were charging, we put the plan into action. Mia waved to Alex from outside the chamber. He opened the door wondering why she wanted to talk to him at that hour. Mia stepped into the chamber as planned and slammed the metal door behind her. Alex stared at her in confusion. She clicked on the lighter she was holding. A loud ‘boom’ followed. We watched, frozen, as their platinum bodies catalysed the reaction. It was over in a blur.

     The robots were gone, so was Mia and Alex. I told myself this was a small price to pay. Earth had started recovering and so had we.

Isaac Chng 13 AA Corrections

English AA corrections by josh teo

Nuke

Josh Teo

15

s1-03

He opened his eyes.

It had been ages since Tom saw light. Glancing around, he recalled being placed in a cryogenic pod. As the pod opened, he realised that everyone had evacuated except him. Walking towards the exit, he pressed the lever and staggered out. Warm air smacked him, and sunlight pierced his eyes. Regaining his composure, he ambled out.

In the distance, a neon green river beckoned. It was radioactive, with wavy steam emanating.Tom spotted a brownish object and prodded. Immediately, it sprang to life, snarling and pouncing. It was a giant cockroach! He dodged instinctively and jabbed the stick at its belly. Transparent blood oozed out of its body and it gave a few twitches before dying.

Exhausted, he continued walking through the dismal, deserted town.

Common sense warned him to stop, but curiosity beckoned him.As he walked towards a dilapidated building, he encountered a rotting body shambling towards him. Tom prepared to retaliate when a golden retriever dashed forward. After a frenzied tussle. It walked off towards a young man having decapitated the creature.

“ You sure needed some help,” said the professor.” My name is Brady. Those were zombies.The radiation from the blast destroyed their brain except for the cerebellum, causing their feral nature and their ability to heal , similar to rabies”. ”Meet Bailey the dog,” said the professor. He then invited Tom to his lab. Tom nodded his acceptance. Once at the entrance, the professor jabbed a series of codes that unlocked the door and the trio entered and headed to the lab. There, the professor grabbed a syringe and stabbed his arm.

“Why did you do that?”, Tom asked

Smiling, the professor explained how the serum protected him from radiation and helped him regain his youth and strength.

Pointing to a picture of the spaceship, the interstellar express, he said they were leaving to planet Tarth. It was similar to Earth but only five times bigger. Tom was desperate and begged to be included. The professor agreed only if he helped to fight a final battle.

The next day, they left for the Dome where the spaceship was held.

Walking up a flight of stairs, they reached a platform. Lo and behold! A huge sentry bot with red eyes, four legs and mini-guns stepped in front oe laser did not destroy the enemy. The robot retaliated, and the professor was injured multiple times. But he healed miraculously. Bailey executed the attack strategy brilliantly by running in zig zags, distracting the robot as Tom aimed for the head. A final exchange of beams and the plan succeeded. Smiling they high-fived each other but minutes later sensed something was amiss.Bailey lay slumped in a pool of blood barely breathing.

 A warning screen: auto lock is commencing.

 Tom tugged at the professor's sleeve. They had to leave before it was too late.

 10...9...8....7...6...

 The professor stood at the doors with tears streaming. Bailey had been a good companion but life had to go on.